We all have goals that we strive to reach but the means of doing so many change as one gets new insights into the problem. They did for me as I will try to explain. I felt that to be whole and complete, to be "real" to myself and to society, sex change surgery would be necessary. I might mention here that I have a slight speech impediment and per- haps because of this I was quite withdrawn into myself in early life. Communication with women was difficult for me and anything further than that was almost impossible. Partly because of this I felt that if I were to become a woman my speech defect would be less of a handicap. This therefore provided another justification for surgery. For this and other reasons I had my mind made up that this was the path that I would follow.

I had enough money in my savings account to pay for it but spending it this way would have left me with nothing to go on while getting es- tablished. I knew that I had better wait until I was sure I could make a living. It was a good thing that I did wait because working with Virginia at Chevalier I have learned a great deal. Virginia and I used to have some serious arguments about surgery. I would sometimes get very frustrated and angry with her and I'm sure she did with me. Virginia would say that surgery would only give me the sex and that that was not necessary for me to live the life that I wanted to live. I would come back with the argument that I could not be "real" to myself or to others without it and that she just could not understand my feelings. However, gradually I came to realize that she was right. My work at Chevalier had a great deal to do with my changing my mind. Each mail delivery brings personal problems to us at Chevalier. We try to advise, counsel and help as best we can. All of this used to be done by Virginia alone but as I worked with her and got an idea of how she handled various situations I found that I could relieve her of some of this load. When she was away on trips I had to take on most of it my- self. In this way I became acquainted with other people's difficulties and this enabled me to see my own position in a different light. Eventually I realized that I was not a transexual and that surgery was not for me.

I have known quite a number of transexuals who have had surgery and, if the truth were known, a great number of them are not nearly as happy as they thought they would be. Many of them wish that they had never had it. Some of them, of course, have been able to make the adjustment and are living useful lives. All but a few have had to have additional surgery at least once and one has had seven different opera- tions. It is not even certain that sex change surgery will make one a

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